Thinspo

btw, nice style!

I wanted to start a diet today but i failed again. I'm enough-my day is ruined now. I ate the whole bag of chips, 2 buns, chocolate and white choc pudding. I'm fckin stuffed and I'm gonna go back to purging myself. xo

nice chest and nice abs, I wish I had body like this

skinny=awesomeness

Nothing much

How am I doing? I think good. Nothing changed, but happened a lot. I've been off for a long time, as always. Ok, one month ago (i think so) I had tried to puke so badly that I swallowed a toothbrush. Yes, toothbrush. I mean literally-whole TOOTHBRUSH. I'm not the one one who did that. After all, I read abt a girl who gulped down a toothbrush too. Anyway, I went to a hospital and had a lot of examinations and finally an operation. Despite two PVC's (Peripheral venous catheter) in veins on both hands everything ended good. The toothbrush was pulled out. After this had happened I didn't vomit for a month. But it couldn't last forever. I notice that I put on weight because my skinny jeans are really tight now, so I came back to purging myself again. I feel that's not ok, but I need to lose some lbs. I wish I were skinny. I try to eat healthily, but I overeat in the evening. I dunno how to prevent it, I'm powerless. I hope there;re some guys out there, who read my dramas ;) xo!

Is anybody there?

It's been a looong time since I blogged. Vacations are over and I've been stuck at school for more than a month. Nothing changed. I still ask myself if anyone is out there? Should I keep this blog or delete it? Don't know. I was on a giovanni diet, which lasted more than 2 weeks, which I broke after. The effects were quite good-even though I didnt weight myself, I saw that my legs got skinner and stomach flatter. Unfortunatelly, I fcked up and got back to the unhealthy roots. I overeat everyday and cant stop it-im too lazy to pass on sweets. Also I vomit everyday. It's horrible, my throat is in real pain but afterwards I feel better and lighter. I have to keep on doing this unless I go on a diet again. I found a nice tumblr with a lot of thinspirational pics and I feel motivated right now. Hope this feeling wont pass away as fast as it occured.

runaway

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QqArc12juQ&feature=related

this song tells almost everything but I need to write something. had an argue with my parents, dunno how this started. i was broken, I was fed up. Packed bare essentails and left the house. I dont even know what I did feel. Surprisingly, I was calm. No money, no plans and a plastic bag with some clothes, passing through my town. And the worst thought was that I didnt have anyone who I could go to, who I could talk to. I dont have friends or close mates. Im not telling I'm an outsider, I do have 'firends' at school or on Facebook with who I can make fun, joke or hang around after classes, but those people barely know me and its frustrating. "Dont nobody want you, dont nobody need you" I'm useless. They act like they like me but its fake. They keep sayin' "omg, ure so funny, I luv you" "hahah ure so sweet, I love when u get angry" etc. Afterwards they forget about me. They don't even keep in touch while summer break. I'm feeling a little bit confused-this blog turns from a overcoming eating disorder blog to a drama queen blog.To sum up, I cam back home after my mom had called me. She was so harsh and mad at me, she didnt want to encourage me to come back. I didnt have plans so coming back to family was the best idea. Next time will be different, I'm  starting to save money. The positive side of this whole situation was that I didnt want to eat something after all. I didnt hear voice of temptation. But today I ate approximately 1800 cals and I;m so stuffed -,-

fed up

I'm fed up with this fucking life. I'm doing my math homework as a practice for tomorrow's test. My dad's just entered my room and told me to go to bed bc it is late. Geeeeeeeeez! He says it every fucking day. Its so annoying and boring. Is this everything what he can say? Routine is killin' me. I hope the 2012 is not a hoax.

stuffed

I dont care what I throw into my stomach but I dont feel well now. I'd like to vomit so badly.. After eating 3 donuts, a lot of strawberry ice-cream and grilled cheese sandwiches I feel like a stuffed turkey for a thanksgiving day.


Jon Kortajarena in the pictures!!!

come back?

Hey (guys?)
Firstly, I don't know wheather I should keep this blog bc I dont think that anyone read or even has read this blog. I'd like to meet some ppl just to talk. I've met some guy on skype and i got to know him. He's kinda decent. I think he's the only one, who I can talk abt my problems with. Its unbelievably weird how distance between ppl meat on the internet differs from the real one. Its possitive :)

Anyway, I gave up purging and started overeating, starving myself and overeating again. Vicious circle, as always. I can't help thinking abt perfect body. Im frustrated that I cant vomit, I just cant do that. I feel so weak that I dont even try. I seem that I dont give a fuck but Im dying inside. I wish I could cut down on eating, specially loads of sweets. This day wont come. Im convienced. Sad truth.
Btw, I was so fulfilled when my stomach was so flat. I really felt better when I wasnt eating. Sadly, it couldnt last forever.

I hope someday I'll be strong enough to take a risk and challenge again..

.

thinspo

Time to overcome problems and the best way to success is thinspo! I'll beat myself up. It's time to wake up, there are few days till bitch season starts.

Look at those cheekbones :

 

 

want those abs!

Fucking Anorexic Troubles

As you can observe I act like I don't care. And I'm scared this's true. My life has become a monotonus routine. Everyday I binge eat in the same way. Pasta, muffins and buns with Nutella. Wth? The difference is that the flavour of the muffins is different each day. And the worst is I can't even purge because house is full of ppl >.< I don't know what to do. I have a really bad mood since yesterday. Feel everything depends on me and it's frustrating. Nothing can help  me, neither thinspo nor f tv until I think ' perfect body is amazing but can't replace this sweet muffin'. Should I give up or try harder to pass on the chocoalte cake and continue my 'diet'?

mmm muffn top, I'll have that if I don't stop eating

what the fuck was that?

I just can't understand this. I haven't been hungry, but i overate today. Gosh, I just hate that felling. I;m weak, useless, I'm not even good at something. There are nerds, geeks, book worms, choir ppl. Everyone is good at something. I'm just a stupid wannabe. Useless wannabe. Wish I were a fashion model. It's my secret wish. There's one problem-I'm too short. So for fuck's sake, be thin! Do something with your life. you're a dumbass so make ur body look good. I think it's too much to handle(don't b dirty minded). I'd like to go jogging, but I can't get my fat ass out. I'm speechless. i WANT TO PURGE but my mom's at home :x

nice stomach xo

got the experience

So everything was going right 'till today. My mum asked me to prepare a dnr for my family. And she didn't have to wait so long. I rose to the challenge. I prepared pasta with minced chicken in tomatoe and mayo sauce seasoned with coconut shavings and almond flakes. I must say that was really tasty, but unfortunately I couldn't stop tasting. I really don't know how many servings I ate 'cause I was eating straight from the fryin' pan. Then a brilliant idea occured in my head-"Let's bake some muffins!" I ate 7 blueberry muffins and that wasn't enough. Eating Nutella and golden syrup (the best combination) is always the best way to plunge yourself. Fortunately I vomited up. And I was doing it right. I've even vomited through the nose. I know this is not pleasant, but finally know how to do it. xo

Have enough gas

Ok, so i didn't eat 2day. I'm so proud of myself. Stopping this yelling shit in my head isn't one of the easiest thing. But I dealt with it. I think because I still have a lot of energy that comes from yesterday's binge. I have a lot on my mind so I must go. x

Can't get through

Today is my 6th day of Giovanni's. And today I failed again :] I was fighting all day long, eating apples and other stuff and accidentally something broke. I didnt give a fuck and started eating. Yeast cake made by my mom, vanilla pudding, Nutella straight from the jar, Toffifee with golden syrup and grilled cheese sandwiches with mayo and ketchup dip. I tried to vomit but I can't. I'm so weak that I can't even throw this shit up. I'm dissapointed and frustrated. I just wanted to go through this whole diet without any misfortunes. I had an aim; appointed award. Nothing goes my way. I'm gonna try 2 puke again.

Enter my world

This is my first post on my first blog ever. Yes! I’m 17 and I’ve never  had a blog. Umm I don’t know what to write. Maybe I’ll introduce myself. I’m 17 yo boy who looks proper at the first sight but no one knows how it really is. How I really feel.  Firstly I’d like u 2 know that I’m not from pro-ana/pro-mia team. Maybe I’m not so strong, maybe I don’t wanna.  The one I know is that something is wrong with me and my lifestyle, I mean with eating. I think I have an eating disorder. It started 1 year ago when I came to HS. I always liked eating but something changed. I found baking (especially) enjoyable. I love trying new recipes and preaparing never tried dishes. But I have this huge thing for sweets. I fantasize about chocolate cakes, cute cupcakes with colorful icings and other pastries. Am I weird? I don't think other ppl do the same. Food is food, can b good, bad, tasty, tasteless. I always wanted 2 b thin, but i went on my first diet 1 year ago and this is how my problems begun. I weighed 128 lbs (I'm 5'10 tall). After this tiring period I gained 9lbs! I was frustrated. Let's cut to the chase. I'm don't search anyone to help me quit it, I just want to share my experiences with ppl. I'm on a diet again. Giovanni's 30. It's my 5th day (repeated 4th time) I've been failing it for 3 days. I hope I'll do it well this time :)