Thinspo

btw, nice style!

I wanted to start a diet today but i failed again. I'm enough-my day is ruined now. I ate the whole bag of chips, 2 buns, chocolate and white choc pudding. I'm fckin stuffed and I'm gonna go back to purging myself. xo

nice chest and nice abs, I wish I had body like this

skinny=awesomeness

Nothing much

How am I doing? I think good. Nothing changed, but happened a lot. I've been off for a long time, as always. Ok, one month ago (i think so) I had tried to puke so badly that I swallowed a toothbrush. Yes, toothbrush. I mean literally-whole TOOTHBRUSH. I'm not the one one who did that. After all, I read abt a girl who gulped down a toothbrush too. Anyway, I went to a hospital and had a lot of examinations and finally an operation. Despite two PVC's (Peripheral venous catheter) in veins on both hands everything ended good. The toothbrush was pulled out. After this had happened I didn't vomit for a month. But it couldn't last forever. I notice that I put on weight because my skinny jeans are really tight now, so I came back to purging myself again. I feel that's not ok, but I need to lose some lbs. I wish I were skinny. I try to eat healthily, but I overeat in the evening. I dunno how to prevent it, I'm powerless. I hope there;re some guys out there, who read my dramas ;) xo!

Is anybody there?

It's been a looong time since I blogged. Vacations are over and I've been stuck at school for more than a month. Nothing changed. I still ask myself if anyone is out there? Should I keep this blog or delete it? Don't know. I was on a giovanni diet, which lasted more than 2 weeks, which I broke after. The effects were quite good-even though I didnt weight myself, I saw that my legs got skinner and stomach flatter. Unfortunatelly, I fcked up and got back to the unhealthy roots. I overeat everyday and cant stop it-im too lazy to pass on sweets. Also I vomit everyday. It's horrible, my throat is in real pain but afterwards I feel better and lighter. I have to keep on doing this unless I go on a diet again. I found a nice tumblr with a lot of thinspirational pics and I feel motivated right now. Hope this feeling wont pass away as fast as it occured.

runaway

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QqArc12juQ&feature=related

this song tells almost everything but I need to write something. had an argue with my parents, dunno how this started. i was broken, I was fed up. Packed bare essentails and left the house. I dont even know what I did feel. Surprisingly, I was calm. No money, no plans and a plastic bag with some clothes, passing through my town. And the worst thought was that I didnt have anyone who I could go to, who I could talk to. I dont have friends or close mates. Im not telling I'm an outsider, I do have 'firends' at school or on Facebook with who I can make fun, joke or hang around after classes, but those people barely know me and its frustrating. "Dont nobody want you, dont nobody need you" I'm useless. They act like they like me but its fake. They keep sayin' "omg, ure so funny, I luv you" "hahah ure so sweet, I love when u get angry" etc. Afterwards they forget about me. They don't even keep in touch while summer break. I'm feeling a little bit confused-this blog turns from a overcoming eating disorder blog to a drama queen blog.To sum up, I cam back home after my mom had called me. She was so harsh and mad at me, she didnt want to encourage me to come back. I didnt have plans so coming back to family was the best idea. Next time will be different, I'm  starting to save money. The positive side of this whole situation was that I didnt want to eat something after all. I didnt hear voice of temptation. But today I ate approximately 1800 cals and I;m so stuffed -,-

fed up

I'm fed up with this fucking life. I'm doing my math homework as a practice for tomorrow's test. My dad's just entered my room and told me to go to bed bc it is late. Geeeeeeeeez! He says it every fucking day. Its so annoying and boring. Is this everything what he can say? Routine is killin' me. I hope the 2012 is not a hoax.

stuffed

I dont care what I throw into my stomach but I dont feel well now. I'd like to vomit so badly.. After eating 3 donuts, a lot of strawberry ice-cream and grilled cheese sandwiches I feel like a stuffed turkey for a thanksgiving day.


Jon Kortajarena in the pictures!!!

come back?

Hey (guys?)
Firstly, I don't know wheather I should keep this blog bc I dont think that anyone read or even has read this blog. I'd like to meet some ppl just to talk. I've met some guy on skype and i got to know him. He's kinda decent. I think he's the only one, who I can talk abt my problems with. Its unbelievably weird how distance between ppl meat on the internet differs from the real one. Its possitive :)

Anyway, I gave up purging and started overeating, starving myself and overeating again. Vicious circle, as always. I can't help thinking abt perfect body. Im frustrated that I cant vomit, I just cant do that. I feel so weak that I dont even try. I seem that I dont give a fuck but Im dying inside. I wish I could cut down on eating, specially loads of sweets. This day wont come. Im convienced. Sad truth.
Btw, I was so fulfilled when my stomach was so flat. I really felt better when I wasnt eating. Sadly, it couldnt last forever.

I hope someday I'll be strong enough to take a risk and challenge again..